Every Colonial Counts - How to Help a Friend
If your friend drank too much and is still drinking...
Alcohol Poisoning
How do you know when a friend has a problem
What to say to someone who has a problem with substances
Enabling
When someone has surpassed their limitWhat to do when they've already surpassed their limit:
- Try to get them away from more alcohol.
- Offer them something NON-alcoholic to drink.
- Offer them food to get their minds of off more alcohol.
- Suggest that they call it a night- and make sure they get home safely.
- Keep in mind that giving them caffeine makes a jittery drunk and showers make a wet drunk. Only thing that will get them sober is TIME- and it usually takes about 40 minutes to an hour to metabolize one ounce of alcohol (a single shot, a 12 oz. beer or a 5 oz. glass of wine).
What to do to prevent it from happening again:
- Suggest activities that don't revolve around alcohol or going to places that don't serve alcohol.
- Don't drink! Your friend may need your support and company in choosing not to drink.
Stop Alcohol PoisoningSymptoms of alcohol poisoning
- Person is unconscious or semi-conscious and cannot be awakened.
- Cold, clammy, pale or bluish skin.
- Check to see if breathing is slow, less than eight times per minute, or irregular, with ten seconds or more between breaths.
- Vomiting while "sleeping" or passed out, and not waking up after vomiting.
If a person has any of these symptoms, he or she may be suffering from acute alcohol intoxication.
- Get help. Call someone, a staff member, an ambulance, public safety or someone who can help.
- Do not leave the person alone. Turn the person on his or her side to prevent choking in case of vomiting.
- Always be "better safe than sorry" if you are not sure what to do. How can your friend be angry about you caring about him or her?
How do you know if your friend has an alcohol problem?When a person cannot control his or her drinking such that it interferes with physical, social, emotional, academic, or economic well-being, then alcohol abuse is present.
What to say to someone who you think has a problem with alcohol or other drugs: Talking to a friend or family member who you think may have a drug or alcohol problem is probably one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. While you will have that person's interests in mind, he or she may not think so. The most important thing you can do is be supportive, be there for them, care for them, but don't let their problem become your problem. While you may try a medical approach (the dangers of drinking/drugs to the body) when talking with someone, try making it a personal concern as well. Saying "I really care about you, and it hurts me when you show a lack of concern for your health, your relationships, and for me. I am really scared when I see what happens to you when you drink/take drugs, and because I love you and for the sake of our relationship, I want you to stop" is often much more effective. Tell him/her all of your concerns, and listen to their response Tell them exactly what it is that you want them to do (as in seek professional help, or not to contact you when they have been drinking). Make sure to let the person know that you will be there for him/her in a supportive manner, and if necessary schedule appointments with a professional. If nothing happens when you talk to the person the first time, try talking to them again, and maybe even a few times thereafter. Even if he/she doesn't respond to you, or responds in an angry manner, a repeated request from maybe just the incentive they need. Keep in mind that, if after repeatedly trying to talk to your friend/family member, they continue to deny that they have a problem or tell you that they don't want help, it is not your responsibility or obligation to force a change upon them. He/She is the only one that can make the choice to change and to seek help. Having a friend or family member with an alcohol or drug problem is a very stressful situation, and as a result you may need some help yourself. If you ever feel like you could use someone to talk to, the Center for Alcohol and Other Drug Education and the University Counseling Center are two great resources right here on campus. For contact information, see our page on resources.
Enabling Behavior Enabling behavior is shielding another from the consequences of their actions. Many times, the friends and family of a person with an alcohol or drug problem will try to "help" that person out, but in reality could be making the problem worse. So what's the difference between helping and enabling? Helping someone is doing something for someone that they can't do themselves. Enabling is doing something for someone that they could and should do themselves. Enabling allows the person to continuously avoid the consequences of their actions and be secure in the fact that no matter the mistakes or problems he/she encounters, someone will be there to make it better. Are you an enabler?
1. Have you ever given someone one more chance? then another? then another?
2. Do you deny their behavior by ignoring or rationalizing it?
3. Have you loaned them money? Paid their bills?
4. Have you avoided talking about their problem out of fear of what they might say or do?
5. Have you ever used alcohol or drugs with them?
6. Have you threatened to leave and ended up staying?
7. Have you ever done their home or office work while they were under the influence?
8. Have you ever "called in sick" for someone and lied about their symptoms?
9. Do you consistently lie or make excuses for them?
10. Have you ever cleaned up after them, held their hair back while they vomited, or washed their clothes?
If you answered yes to even one of these questions, then at some point you have participated in an enabling behavior. So how can you help a friend with an alcohol or drug problem without enabling their behavior? It may require a tough love solution. While still showing that you care and want to help a person, a tough love solution may force a person with a problem to face the consequences of their actions. Until they face the consequences of their behavior, they will continue to deny to themselves and the rest of the world the extent and severity of their problem.
